Book # 48

Be Still

Using Gospel Principles to Lower Anxiety

By G. Sheldon Martin

Actually this is a 3-CD set but never a book. The author is a LDS Seminary teacher and a mental health counselor. He recorded talks that he gave on the subject and published them. I listened to them 3 times and finally took notes. I think it is well worth the time.

Ideas....

1. Focus on a positive thought. If someone tells you to not think of a pink elephant, you will think of a pink elephant. It is not enough to tell ourselves not to think of the things that cause us stress or anxiety. We must replace them with positive thoughts.

2. Focus on the future not the past. 

3. Focus on the direction we are going. If we are going in the right direction, then half the battle is won.

4. Do not look past the mark. The mark being Christ. Meaning, do not get so wrapped up in the law, that you forget what is really important.

5. Obedience has nothing to do with righteousness. Obedience is good but you can be very obedient and not be righteous.

6. Being righteous and doing good is more important that the appearance of righteousness and doing good.

7. Make the most of today!

8. Being more ______ (he inserted righteous, but anything could apply) does not mean people will like you more.

9. Choose not to be offended. 

10. Sincerely renew your baptismal covenants each week with the Sacrament.

11. Do your best but allow others their agency. They may still not approve of you.

12. Do not negatively predict the future. We often negatively connect the dots to a possible future event because of something negative occurring in our lives right now. Ask yourself, "What can I do NOW to increase my chances that this will go in a positive direction?"

13. Ask yourself, "Have I gone through something like this before? Was I successful?" We are usually tougher and more experienced that we like to give ourselves credit for.

14. REALIZE... I cannot achieve perfection in this life. I cannot achieve perfection without the Savior! So do yourself a favor and give yourself a break. Do the best you can and then look to the Savior to make up for your weaknesses.

15. Be content with what God has allotted to you. He was speaking about Church callings but this could apply to most everything in your life. Not that we shouldn't strive to be our best self, but should be happy with the talents God has blessed us with.

16. We determine the worth of something by what what someone is willing to pay for it. That means each of us is of GREAT WORTH because Christ paid the biggest price for us all.

17. Seek the guidance of God when you have a big decision. You do not know the future or what decision will turn out the best, but He does. 

18. Sometimes we beat ourselves up over past decisions. Remember you made the best decision you knew how to make at that time.

19. Find the positives in a negative situation. THIS REALLY WORKS!

20. Do not compare yourself to anyone. 

21. Be happy for the success of others.

22. Do not mind read or assume the worst of anyone.

23. Don't forget to eat, sleep, and exercise!

24. Remember prayer and meditation. Take time to BE STILL!

Until Next Time :o)

Book # 47

A Tale of Two Cities
By Charles Dickens

Actually I listened to this book on tape. YES! Cassette tape. I checked it out at the library and listened to the many cassettes while spending hours in the kitchen making pickles and salsa and tomato juice. I got bored of just standing there, immersed in veggies and empty thoughts.

The story was very confusing at first. I kept having to stop and rewind and listen to something that I didn't understand, only to discover that I still didn't understand it. Dickens wove an intricate tale that had to be heard or read from start to finish to understand. I kept thinking, "Will I ever know the story behind this scene?" It was a little aggravating. But it drew me in and had me hooked and especially made me glad that I didn't live in France during that horrible time.

Until Next Time ;o)

Book # 45

The Happiness Project

By Gretchen Rubin

I checked this book out the same time as the last one and I loved this one too. Not only did it have great ideas, but I really clicked with the author. She is just my speed.

She is an author, mother of two small daughters, happily married, resident of New York City, content daughter and d-i-l. She graduated in law, and was clerking for Supreme Court Justice, Sandra Day O'Connor, when she realized that her real passion is writing. Wow! What a waste of money! Going to law school ain't cheap! I hope her books made her enough money to pay off her law school loans.

Anyway, she has a good life and one day she realized that she truly does have a good life and that she didn't appreciate it as much as she should. She wasn't as happy as she should be. She let the little things in life get her down. She thought that someday something big and bad might come along and she wouldn't be prepared for it, and so she decided that developing a habit of happiness would be a good idea. She decided to make it a year long project; her happiness project. And if you know me, I like projects. I like setting goals and resolutions. And I like what she said about the difference between goals and resolutions. "You hit a goal, you keep a resolution. 'Run a marathon' makes a good goal. It's specific, it's easy to measure success, and once you've done it, you've done it. 'Exercise better' is better cast as a resolution. You won't wake up one day and find you've achieved it. It's something that you have to resolve to do every day, forever."

As she began she realized that she had to have some guidlines to help her discover what was most important for her to work on. She came up with her Twelve Commandments. They were:

1.   Be Gretchen

2.   Let it go.

3.   Act the way I want to feel.

4.   Do it now.

5.   Be polite and be fair.

6.   Enjoy the process.

7.   Spend out.

8.   Identify the Problem.

9.   Lighten Up.

10. Do what ought to be done.

11. No calculation.

12. There is only love.

She also came up with what she called her "Secrets to Adulthood". I liked most of these.

~People don't notice your mistakes as much as you think.

~It's okay to ask for help.

~Most decisions don't require expensive research.

~Do good, feel good.

~It's important to be nice to everyone.

~Bring a sweater.

~By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.

~Soap and water remove most stains.

~Turning the computer off and on a few times often fixes a glitch.

~If you can't find something, clean up!

~You can choose what  you do; you can't choose what you like to do.

~Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.

~What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.

~You don't have to be good at everything.

~If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.

~Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.

~Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

~What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.

~People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.

~You can't profoundly change your children's natures by nagging them or signing them up for classes.

~No deposit, no return.

In January, her resolutions were to boost her energy and vitality. 

She decided to achieve this by

~Going to sleep earlier.

~Exercising better.

~Tossing, restoring, organizing.

~Tackling a nagging task.

~Acting more energetic.

These are all things I know, and attempt to work on sporadically.

I keep thinking that I will get to sleep earlier when....my baby gets older, my current teenager is gone, school is back in session, school is out....you get the idea. Its never convenient to go to bed earlier. There is always something else I want to do, on top of the things I feel I have to do. 

As for exercise....oh lets not talk about exercise right now. Although I did take note about how she hired a personal trainer and made her workout time shorter and more effective.

I am funny about the third item. I go through cycles, about a 6 month cycle. I am unorganized and keep stuff for about 6 months and then I get sick of it and dejunk. I am organized for about 6 months and then I get lazy and start collecting again. Maybe some day I can make the disorganized time go away, or at least make it last a shorter amount of time. Funny thing is, I'm pretty good at hiding my clutter. I look so organized that I've had people ask me to help them get organized. I always decline. Partly because who wants to tell someone to get rid of all their junk and also because I know how frustrated I get when I become messy again, I think I would feel doubly frustrated at someone else.

I have my own list of nagging tasks. Some of the items on it, have been there for years. Others stay just a moment. Sometimes I add the task just after I've completed it, so that I can mark it off and feel satisfaction at success, and also to have a record of completing it.

The last item of "acting more energetic" is daunting to me. How can I go ride a bike with my son when I am too tired to go ride a bike. But I have found that when I FORCE myself to do it, I usually find the energy. And usually enjoy it a lot more than I thought I would.

February's resolutions were about her marriage and to remember love. This is one I don't need. I have the perfect marriage! My husband and I NEVER argue. HA HA. (I am a widow in case any of you reading this are strangers) But many of her resolutions can apply to children and other close relationships as well.

~Quit nagging

~Don't expect praise or appreciation

~Fight Right

~No dumping

~Give proofs of love.

When she began to elaborate about the first goal, she told the story of a friend who worked for a very difficult person. When she was being interviewed, the HR person told her that if she took the job, her new boss would be a man very good at his job, but extremely difficult to work for. The woman really wanted the job and so she decided, "there is only love". She refused to think critical thoughts about him, never complained about him behind his back, never listened to others criticize him. When asked if her co-workers thought she was a goody-goody, her answer was that they all wished they could do the same thing because he drove them crazy, yet she honestly could say that she liked her boss.

That is a lesson I wish I would have learned a long time ago. Like back when I was a newlywed. Or even when my husband was still alive. Its never too late to start being a better, more loving and forgiving wife. We had a good marriage but everything can be better and I wish I had been better.

Anyway....I don't feel like talking any more about this topic....sighhhh

Except..... I just came to a page I had dog-eared. She read a lot of marriage books during this month and there was a study she came across that I found very interesting. I am going to quote it so that it comes out right. "Perhaps because men have this low standard for what qualifies as intimacy, both men and women find relationships with women to be more intimate and enjoyable than those with men. Women have more feelings of empathy for other people than men do (though women and men have about the same degree of empathy for animals, whatever that means). In fact, for both men and women--and this finding struck me as highly significant--the most reliable predictor of not being lonely is the amount of contact with women. Time spent with men doesn't make a difference."

AH HA! I already knew that. After Adam died, there was a family that we were close to that took us under their wing. She was, and still is, my best friend. Many of her children matched up with mine in age and so we spent a lot of time with them. We spent nearly every Friday night with their family and she and I saw each other nearly every day and if we didn't, we at least spoke on the phone. About four years later, they moved 2 hours away. It was hard on us all, and for the first time since Adam's death, I really felt lonely. It wasn't until then that I actually considered dating, and then remarrying. I wonder if they had stayed in our town if I would have married again.

March resolutions had to do with aiming higher in her work. She resolved to:

~Launch a blog

~Enjoy the fun of failure

~Ask for help

~Work smart

~Enjoy now.

The two that resonated with me the most of these was Ask for help and Enjoy Now. These are both lessons that I have learned and am re-learning constantly. I have always been a very capable independent woman but losing a spouse and having so much to do, has made it wise to learn to ask for help. I don't do it a lot, but I do it more than I used to. I ask my kids for help more because they were starting to believe that I didn't need or WANT their help. And they were not learning to help when they should. So we are getting it. And losing a spouse is a HUGE lesson in Enjoy Now. When I went to a get together of girl friends for the first time after his death, I told them, "Don't let a day go by that you don't tell him and show him you love him." There were a few husbands grateful that I shared this wisdom. lol...

Her goals for April had to do with parenthood and she titled the chapter "Lighten Up".

~Sing in the morning

~Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings

~Be a treasure house of happy memories

~Take time for projects.

Now this is something that I need...to lighten up I mean. I worry too much and I am way to serious. Just ask my 18 year old. My 8 year old will tell you that I do not like to acknowledge the reality of his feelings. All my sons dread my projects because it usually has to do with what they consider work. And if I sang in the morning, they would roll their eyes and probably ask me not to. My 13 year old, when he turned 2, started putting his hand over my mouth when I would try to sing to him, even though I had sung to him, and to all my babies from birth. Sometimes I sing in the car, but the radio drowns me out. I know I need to find my own ways to lighten up and I am. Happy memories? I hope they will have many.

May's subject was an important one for me. It was focused on leisure and was titled "Be serious about play".

~Find more fun.

~Take time to be silly.

~Go off the path.

~Start a collection

She talks about how she didn't have a good sense of what she found fun. I feel the same way. She said, "just because something was fun for someone else didn't mean it was fun for me, a vice versa." Discovering this was a major break through in my life. This wasn't a recent revelation, but a few years ago I finally got it. I have 7 sisters and one brother and they all have a variety of likes and talents. For a while I felt like I had to like and do the things they did. I have 2 sisters that have run marathons and for years I felt like I had to run a marathon someday. It was with a feeling of relief when I finally realized that I hate running and I would never run a marathon and that was OK!

I have a b-i-l that loves white water river rafting. Every summer he plans a trip for our family down the Snake river in Wyoming. This year I finally made the declaration that I do not enjoy river rafting. (You would have thought I'd said that I didn't believe in God or that I was gay, by their reaction. I am exaggerating but it is sometimes difficult to go against the flow in my family.) I am not afraid, (although I am concerned that an accident would occur and I would leave my children orphans) but I don't like being cold and wet and sitting on the edge of the raft for 2 hours hurts my butt. I would rather go and just relax and enjoy my family, and if I want to do something, hiking is a lot more fun to me. So this year I relaxed and hiked to the lake and it was great.

 A lot of things that I enjoy doing involve hard work. I have determined that I am a workaholic. I enjoy relaxing but when I am in action it is always working. Things that others do for fun don't particularly thrill me. I am satisfied with what I find fun, but being fun for my children is a challenge for me.

I liked what happened when she went off the path and I have had variations of that in my life before. She felt like she was pretty set in her ways and interests and so she decided to expand her mind and possibly her interests. She skimmed newspaper sections that she usually skipped, she looked into the store windows instead of just walking by, she started carrying a camera everywhere to sharpen her eye. And every Monday she bought 3 different magazines, ones that she had never read before, and then looked at them from cover to cover. That seemed like an interesting idea. maybe someday I will do it. My version was; one year, I was a member of Netflix and I watched a documentary for every regular movie I rented. Last year I started 2 blogs. For a period of time I read every magazine that the Jehovah Witnesses brought to my door. For a while I went to a spinning class even though I despise organized exercise.

June's resolution was to make time for friends.

~Remember Birthdays.

~Be Generous.

~Show Up.

~Don't Gossip.

~Make 3 new friends.

I love my friends. Some of my friends are closer than family. Some of my family are my best friends. I didn't have a lot of friends when I was young and so when I got older and made more friends, they became precious to me. But after a few years I noticed something. Friends come into our lives and sometimes friends go out of our lives, and that was hard on me. I thought I had to nurture every relationship that had ever blessed my life. But as time wore on, I discovered this was impossible and unrealistic. So I've had to pick the ones that are most important to me and give them what I could. I have a s-i-l who gave me great advice; "decide what it means to you to be a good _______ (mother, daughter, friend, etc) and then do it. So, some friends get a Christmas card, while others get more of my time and energy and feeling. It is still hard on me at times, but it is what it is.

ARG! OK! I don't know about you but I've had enough. I really enjoyed reading this book but I am not getting through this post very fast. I have checked the book out from the library 3 times. SO, as much as I hate to leave anything undone, I am done. If it has aroused your interest, you can read it yourself, or go to her blog, www.happiness-project.com.

Until next time :o)

The Happiness Project

As you know, this blog is dedicated to book reviews. You may have been wondering why my posts are sparse at times. Well, in honor of the book I am currently trying to write about, I wanted to show you my "happiness project". 

My Garden

In April of 2008, I bought the empty 1/3 acre across the street from my home. I wish I had a picture to show you of what it looked like then but I don't. It had a broken down fence around it, a few scraggly trees, a huge pile of weeds that the neighbor had scrapped together, trash, and gravel strewn across it. 

I remember the first day we worked on it. I had news that the sale was going through and so on General Conference weekend, I took my boys out and we cleaned up trash between sessions. I'm sure they were less than thrilled but I was in heaven. A family project! What can be better?

Next, my boys and I and the neighbor kids burned the pile of weeds, and what an adventure that was! When I say pile, I don't mean a little pile, like the one you make with your leaves in the fall. This pile was about 40 feet across and 4 feet high in some places. The pile had been there for quite some time and if I'd been smart I would have poured a ring of gasoline around the whole pile, but I wasn't smart. As we set one end on fire, dozens of mice ran out of the other side. It was mayhem. A dog, a cat and a bunch of kids all chasing mice. Meanwhile, I was trying to make sure this gigantic fire didn't get out of control and set a neighboring house on fire. We didn't have water on the property yet and so we were using the neighbor's hose. She didn't realize that the plumbing had a leak in it and while we were happily spraying the perimeter, water was spraying in her basement. Oh no! 

We pulled down the old fence, cleaned up the trash, dug out the trees, and scraped off the gravel. I had a contractor friend come and put up a new fence and gate and bring city water to the property. I brought in a couple of loads of manure. I had it tilled and laser leveled. Then I planted. The first year I planted about 10 rows all the way across. On the east side, almost everything died. I attribute it to the bad compost that was dumped on that side, and also that was where the majority of the gravel was. The next year, I was going to plant only on the west side but I had remarried to a man named Mr. Know-it-all-and-we're-going-to-do-it-my-way. He didn't want to hear anything I had to say about it, cuz he thought he was the expert gardener. Even though he had gardened in lush green Idaho and this was Utah, where the climate, soil, and insects are different. Even though he had only grown small gardens and mine had always been larger. So, not wanting to fight, I shut my mouth. I got my revenge a little later as he was showing me how you how hoe your trenches--by hand. The soil was hard and it was a lot of work. So I just watched him. Then when he was on the second to last row, I said, "Gee that would be a lot easier if we used my tiller first to soften up the soil." He was mad but it was oh so worth it! Then when the east half of the garden started dying, I got to hear him whine about it. When I finally told him that everything had died on that side the year before, he was mad that I hadn't told him. I reminded him that he didn't want my input. Anyway. I finally let him know that he really wasn't welcome out there because it was my place of peace and refuge. He honored that, EXCEPT for the sunflowers.

He insisted that we plant a row of sunflowers. Now understand, that when your garden is a 1/3 of an acre, a row is pretty long. Maybe it was only half a row but it was still 75 sunflowers. Yep, that's what I said. 75. I am not a sunflower seed person. I am not one of those people who buys packets of them still in the shell and spits the shells all over the place as they eat them. I buy them shelled at about $1.50 a pound and count myself blessed that I don't have to shell the silly things. But he thinks they are so cool and if one sunflower is cool, then a whole row of them must be cooler. Yeah, sunflowers are cool, Except that they take a lot of water. Except when our Delta winds blow. Except when the birds want to eat them. Except when the weather foils your plans. Except when it comes time to harvest them. I paid the water bill, not him. And when the wind blew, we had to go out and stake them up so they wouldn't blow over.  I was fine with letting the birds have them but he was not good about sharing and so we went out and covered all 75 heads with plastic grocery sacks.  Then it rained and the heads started getting moldy inside the bags and so while he was at a conference,  he called and instructed me to go out and take the bags off. Grrrrrrrrrr! Then with winter coming on and a storm blowing in, we harvested the heads and threw them onto a tarp and wheeled them into the garage in the wheel barrow. As we were doing so, he instructed us on how WE-- meaning me and my boys-- would go about getting the seeds off the heads. "Wait a minute!" I said. "This was your idea and I told you that I wasn't going to harvest all those seeds, right from the beginning. You can harvest them yourself." Guess what? They rotted in the wheelbarrow. The birds didn't even get to eat any. And we saved the damn stalks too because he thought they would come in handy someday. HA! I should have sharpened one of them and used it as a spear. But divorce papers worked too.

Meanwhile, the garden is mine again, and it is my happy place. Nothing is better than getting up at sunrise and going out to the cool of the garden and working, watering, pulling weeds, harvesting, talking to the plants, to myself, to the bees, to the neighbors cat, and to God. Thank you God for blessing me with a garden.

Book # 44

When Life Gets Hard

By Meg Johnson

I saw this at the library when I was having a bad PMS day. So I checked it out and began to read. I feel silly admitting this, but I bawled my eyes out during most of the book. Nothing like reading about a quadriplegic to quash your own pity party. It was a good book and I'm glad I read it.

The author, Meg Johnson, was in her early 20's when she took her first trip to St. George, UT. She was fascinated with the scenery, so different from the rest of Utah. She and her friend went hiking and and when he went one way to watch some rock climbers, she went  another way to play leap frog from boulder to boulder. What she didn't realize was that her perception was distorted with all that red; red rocks, red dirt, red cliffs. She misjudged a distance and fell off a 35 foot cliff. She broke both femurs, both wrists, her left collar bone, and four vertebrae in her neck. She is now permanently paralyzed from the chest down.

She quoted Elder Neal A. Maxwell, who said, "God is a loving father who wants us to have the happiness that results not from mere innocence but from proven righteousness. Therefore, he will, at times, not deflect the harsh learning experiences that may come to each of us--even though he will help us in coping with them."

She then said, "The rocky times in life happen despite our great efforts to avoid them. As long as we keep walking down our path, we will be challenged--physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It is difficult to continue on a straight course along our path, partly because the rough patches seem unbearable and partly because off the trail seems so much more enticing. Off the trail seems easier. Better. Nicer. Smoother. But as smooth as off the trail seems and as tempted as we are to relieve ourselves of the difficulties of our paths, we can't go near it. We must remain on our path because looming dangerously close to the edge of our path is not soft sand to rest our feet but rather gaps between the rocks. And if we fall into these gaps, something worse than physical damage will occur....Spiritual paralysis happens to us when we take side steps off the gospel path. These side steps can be sins committed or righteousness omitted in our everyday lives. And when we veer off the path, we come closer to the surrounding gaps in the rock, where Satan and his cronies lie in wait. They will reach up and grab us, and they won't hesitate to tell us we're not good enough, we're not smart enough, we're not nice enough, we're not talented enough, we're not enough--and they will pull on us until we fall and become spiritually paralyzed."

She then spoke about how we must close up the gaps around us. "To keep our spiritual abilities, we must close the gaps around us and trap Satan and his followers in the ravines...Closing the gaps is difficult; it takes daily focus and hard work. To close the gaps, think of G-A-P-S-- Gratitude, Attitude, Prayer and Service. Each of these will squish the gaps together,  tighter and tighter, and we can focus on the path, no matter how difficult it may be."

She then dedicated a chapter to each of those actions. She said that "being grateful for the things we have is different from having things to be grateful for. No matter what we have or don't have in this life, we can be grateful. Gratitude doesn't mean we have things; it means only that we're grateful for what we have. There is always something to be grateful for. She described a bleak night in the hospital. She woke up; scared, confused, alone. "and each cry was a side step off my path and into the gap. Being physically paralyzed wasn't good enough for Satan; he wanted me spiritually paralyzed as well. If he could convince me to give in to hopelessness, he could achieve dual paralysis. And there is no life-support for the spiritually paralyzed. We either walk with God or we don't." (I really like that last sentence) She then thanked God for everything in the room that she could see and although it was sort of silly, in the end she was smiling and feeling grateful and loving. She quoted a quadriplegic, S. Seegmiller, who said, "Attitude makes all the difference, but gratitude brings me joy."

The next chapter was on attitude; having an eternal attitude. She said that her motto is "When life gets too hard to stand, just keep on rollin'!" While this is an expression that is significant for her, being in a wheelchair, it is also appropriate for all of us. There have been times in the last 8 years since Adam died, that people have praised me for what I have done on my own. I always think, "well, what else was I supposed to do?" I get up every morning and I just keep on breathing. I have some bad days, but it always gets better. I just keep on rollin'! She told how her brother, when told that his sister would never walk again, went home and prayed over and over, "Heavenly Father, please don't make Meg do this. Give it to me." Finally the spirit came to him and asked, "What gives you the right to take away her challenges?"  President Howard W. Hunter said, "life, every life, has a full share of ups and downs. Indeed we see many joys and sorrows in the world, many changed plans and new directions, many blessings that do not always look or feel like blessings. She went on to say that "these challenges and trials are gifts from our Heavenly Father to help us become more like him. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, Frequently it is not easy to face up to that which is expected of us. Many think they cannot do it. We need a little more faith. We should know that the Lord will not give us commandments beyond our powers to observe. He will not ask us to do things for which we lack the capacity. Our problem lies in our fears."

Her chapter on prayer was the one that really impacted me. I love my Savior and I realize that he atoned for my sins and he sacrificed his life so that I may live again.  What I struggle with is what he can do for me RIGHT NOW.  Partly because I am a stubborn fool, and often, like a little 2-year old I say, "I can do it myself!"  But also because I forget that he is right there, waiting for me to ask for help. She gave some really good examples of prayer. She shared situations which she found herself in, where she prayed and found relief and help. The first one was about a dream she had. She loved to dance before her accident and after her accident she used to dream about dancing, which was fine. But one night she dreamed that the people dancing wouldn't let her dance with them. This was so upsetting that the next day she found herself emotionally over-wrought. She couldn't get over it. She wrote, "I remembered hearing that the Savior's Atonement could relieve us of our burdens as well as take away our sins. Emotionally and physically I couldn't handle this extreme trial; it was crippling me. Calling on the Savior aloud, I begged him to take it away. Through my sobs, I thanked Him for letting me feel that pain so deeply. (what an interesting concept!) I asked Him to always let me remember the severity of it. I told Him I had faith in His Atonement, and I didn't know if this was the type of pain He could take, but if it was, I asked him to please take it. In the very moment I asked, my pain was gone..."

Another experience she shared was about trying to get herself, in her wheelchair, up a difficult ramp one cold early morning. There was no one around to help and so after a few tries, she prayed. Opening her eyes, she expected to see someone appear to come to her aid. No one did. She said, "I was a little sad. I thought for sure God would send someone. But though my arms were weak, my faith was strong. After all the Lord will only bless us with what we need and not with something we can do for ourselves. Perhaps I really could get up the ramp myself....I pushed with everything I had. I made it farther than I had ever come before, and when I teetered between the steep and the level, when I had nothing else to give, someone came up behind me, grabbed my wheelchair handles, and gave a push, just enough to make it over the corner and onto the level ramp." When she looked back, no one was there.

For her last example, she shared an experience which was very upsetting to her and how late that night she prayed to be comforted. No comfort came. She related, "I cried harder and prayed harder. 'Please calm my troubled heart! I need peace. Please give me peace. Isn't that what You do? I am so upset. Why aren't You hearing me? I know you can do this. Why are you withholding Your blessings from me?...In the midst of a deep sob, it dawned on me that Heavenly Father was trying to answer my prayer, but I was not allowing Him to....I was too angry and distressed to let Him bless me with the peace I needed." She realized that like a little child, she was too tired and too upset to listen. So she apologized and asked that He just put her to sleep. Which He did.

Her last topic is service. She said, "We might ask, how can service help me in my journey? We might wonder how serving could help lighten our load when it would inevitably be heavier if we carried someone else's burdens....We all thirst for something in this life, whether we've been single much longer than all of our friends and we're thirsting for a meaningful relationship. Or we're thirsting for our son or daughter to come back to the gospel. We are all thirsting for something....we can never quench our thirst by thinking about how thirsty we are....so we forge ahead, thirsting for something and having faith that Jesus Christ will quench our thirst with His living water. Until then, we're stuck being thirsty and we have to ignore it the best we can. But how can we forget our own thirst?... think about something else!... Refocusing our attention on something else is not only effective, but it also heals us and makes us happy."

I can personally attest to this principle. A few years after Adam died, I was raising 5 sons,  running a business, taking care of my home, and I had 5 church callings. Why did I have FIVE church callings??? Because I was stupid enough to accept them. I'm kidding actually. Having that much to do in my life is what got me out of bed every morning. All that responsibility was what kept me from wallowing in the despair that threatened to engulf my life. Being involved with so many people, when I literally wanted to become a hermit, kept me from sinking into depression. I admit there were days that I was depressed. There were days when I cursed the bishop and everyone else that was driving me crazy. It wasn't until a few years later that I realized the full impact of what had happened. I was asked to speak in Stake Conference and the subject was taken from the church hymn "Lord, I would follow Thee." It was, Finding Strength Beyond My Own. I read through the whole hymn and for the first time I saw the connection between that phrase and what precedes it---"Pause to help and lift another, finding strength beyond my own." President Hinckley said, "Work will cure your grief. Serve others." I know having 5 church callings may not be the answer for everyone, but it was for me.

To end, she talks about what happens when we relax our efforts to close the gaps. She talks about how when we let ourselves become spiritually paralyzed we cannot hear the promptings of the spirit. She talks about courage, using Daniel and Joshua from the Old Testament as examples. She said, "Courage is not the absence of fear. Rather it is the willingness and determination to do what needs doing anyway, despite how we feel.

It is a short book. Only 64 pages. I highly recommend it!

Until Next Time :o)

Book # 40, 41, 42, 43

A Wrinkle in Time

A Wind in the Door

A Swiftly Tilting Planet

Many Waters

By Madeleine L'Engle

So just like I said, I decided to read some of MLE's books. There is one more in this series, "An Acceptable Time", but I didn't know about it because it wasn't in our library" I decided to skip it for now. 

MLE has a good imagination, an affinity to science, and a strong Christian belief. These books focus on a family, the Murrays, and their adventures through time and space. My favorite one was "A Swiftly Tilting Planet", which was a son's journey through time, in an attempt to change history for the better. It was challenging to follow all the characters, and I like that. The last one I read, "Many Waters" was also not in our library, so I had to get it through an inter-library loan, and although I am not accusing our librarian of censorship, I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't  a deliberate oversight, because it wasn't quite what I would consider children's literature. It wasn't that bad, but some of the content was just a little surprising.

I went to a Master Gardeners Conference last weekend, which filled me with enthusiasm to get back outdoors, and it has been lovely weather and so the books I am reading at the moment are gardening books. In other words, I don't know when I will blog again. 

Could be fall.....lol!

Until Next Time ;o)

Book # 39

Madeline L'Engle

( Herself )

Reflections on a Writing Life

Compiled by Carole F. Chase

When I was an adolescent I read the book "A Wrinkle in Time", written by Madeline L'Engle. I can't for the life of me tell you what it was about, although by its title I can guess. But I do remember that my younger brother read it too and after that, we occasionally kept tabs on what the other was reading and liked. We both love to read and we both want to write (be writers...haha). I can't really tell you why I checked this book out but when I read what she wrote about writers, it really helped.

This is what she said, "BEING A WRITER MEANS WRITING....it does not necessarily mean being published. It's very nice to be published. It's what you want. When you have a vision, you want to share it. Being a writer means writing. It means building up a body of work. It means writing every day. You can hardly say that van Gogh was not a painter because he sold one painting during his lifetime and that to his brother. But do you say that van Gogh wasn't a painter because he wasn't "published"? He was a painter because he painted, because he held true to his vision as he saw it...."

TRUE ART. All art, good, bad, indifferent, reflects its culture. Great art transcends its culture and touches on that which is eternal. Two writers may write the same story about the same man and woman and their relationship with each other. One writer will come up with art and the other with pornography. There is no subject that is not appropriate for the artist, but the way in which it is handled can sometimes be totally inappropriate. True art has mythic quality in that it speaks of that which was true, is true and will be true."

One of Madeline's favorite assignments is to ask her class to write a midrash. A midrash is a commentary on scripture that attempts to fill in details but does not change the story. She tells them to think as long as they want, but they can only write for only half an hour. They have to share them with the class, and then they have to pass their story to another student and that person has to rewrite the story from the point of view of someone else in the story. "We don't often think about how Bildad the Shuhite might have felt, or Leah's or Rachel's maids. What about Cain's wife? What about Lot's wife, or even Jezebel?" This is a subject I have thought about often. Perhaps I will try a midrash or two of my own.

UNDERSTANDING AS A CHILD

“In the act of creation our logical, prove-it-to-me minds relax; we begin to understand anew all that we understood as children....But this understanding is – or should be – greater than the child's because we understand in the light of all that we have learned and experienced in growing up. George Elliot says, 'If we had a keen vision of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow or the squirrel's heart beat, and we should die of the roar which lies on the other side of silence. As it is, the quickest of us walk about well-wadded with stupidity.'” I don't claim to understand that which she and George Elliot wrote, but I love his phrase – The quickest of us walk about well-wadded with stupidity.”   It is at times like this when I long for my husband to be alive, so that I could share this phrase with him and we could enjoy a private joke between us. “Hey, did you see that lady? She's sure well-wadded with stupidity!” Or, “I can't believe my boss. He was well-wadded with stupidity today!” Or, “I got a call from the high school. Our son was acting well-wadded with stupidity in his gym class.” I shared it with an adult son and he just didn't enjoy it like I know my husband would have. Oh well....Just know that if you catch me snickering after some do-do has gone by, that is what I am thinking.

I love the story of how "A Wrinkle In Time" got published. It was rejected by publishers for two and a half years and she was giving up. But her mother knew one of the publishers of Farrar, Straus & Giroux and insisted that she meet with him. John Farrar read the manuscript and loved it but was afraid of it. He felt that adults wouldn't understand it, so they decided to publish it as a childrens book. They took a risk, and she was very pleased that it turned out that this much rejected book was the best seller of Farrar, Straus & Giroux.

She spoke about dreaming and asking her subconscious mind to work on whatever particular problem she wants it to. If she wakes up in the night with a good idea, she says, "Remind me of this in the morning please." She said that her subconscious mind is very cooperative if she is courteous with it. .... I  found that very funny but want to try it.

This was a difficult book for me to read. She seems to me to be a very flowery, religious, enigmatical, intense and somewhat verbose person.  But, I found her at times to be profound. I want to read some of her books again, just to see how I relate to them now as an adult. But reading this book of her quotes made me think of AP English as a Senior in High School and all the "great" literature we read. I hated most of it. Especially Hemingway. I like direct. I don't want to read some weird, usually depressing story and try to figure out the deeper meaning behind it all. Maybe I am too simple for great literature. That said, here are my favorite quotes from the book.

" We do not draw people to Christ by loudly discrediting what they believe, by telling them how wrong they are and how right we are, but by showing them a light that is so lovely that they want with all their hearts to know the source of it."

"For me, to work on a book is the same thing as to pray. Both  involve that unpopular word discipline....To pray is also to listen. To move through my own chattering to God, to get beyond those words to that place where I can be silent and then listen to what God may have to say."

"I cannot live in a world without God. I am frequently asked "Aren't you strong enough to live without God?' And I say, 'No, of course not.'"

One story made me laugh and wonder. She wrote a book called "The Arm of the Starfish". She said that she had the plot of the story all worked out and had 150 pages written. "So, as I had planned the story, Adam Eddington, the protagonist, has gone three nights without sleep, and he is finally allowed to go to sleep in the Ritz Hotel in Lisbon. In the morning when he wakes up after having slept probably fifteen hours, there sitting and looking at him was a young man called Joshua. Now Adam was surprised to see Joshua. I was surprised to see Joshua. There had been no Joshua in my plot....(she rewrote the 150 pages to fit  Joshua in) I cannot imagine the book without Joshua. But where did he come from? And how did he come named Joshua? When he arrived and so named, I had a strong suspicion that he would be dead before the end of the book. And, indeed, he was." I have heard other writers talk about how their stories and characters have a life of their own but I cannot imagine it. Someday I hope to understand. 

Until Next Time :o).