Book # 51

Life of Pi

By Yann Martel

Once again it is harvest and canning season and I've discovered the playaways at the Library. It's been ages since I've blogged about a book, and I really haven't read that many since my last blog but I had something to say about this one.  I saw this movie and was disturbed by the ending. Which ending is the true ending? I wanted to know and so I listened to the book for clarification. I'm not going to tell you what I think, but I will relate to you an important conversation at the end of the book.

The Japanese shipping businessmen are interviewing him. 

He tells them both stories and in the end Pi says to them, 

The Simsoom sank on July 2, 1977

Yes. (older Japanese)

And I arrive on the coast of Mexico, the sole human survivor of the Simsoom on February 14, 1978.

That's right. (older Japanese)

I told you two stories that account for the 227 days in between.

Yes, you did. (older Japanese)

Neither explains the sinking of the Simsoom.

That's right. (older Japanese)

Neither makes a factual difference to you.

That's true. (older Japanese)

You can't prove which story is true, and which is not, you must take my word for it.

I guess so. (older Japanese)

In both stories the ship sinks, my entire family dies, and I suffer.

Yes, that's true. (older Japanese)

So, tell me, since it makes no factual difference to you, and you can't prove the question either way, which story do you prefer? Which is the better story? The story with animals or the story without animals. 

That's an interesting question. (older Japanese)

The story with animals. (younger Japanese)

Yes, the story with animals is the better story. (older Japanese)

Thank you. And so it goes with God.

What did he just say? (younger Japanese)

I don't know. (older Japanese)

Ohhh look, he's crying. (younger Japanese)

We'll be careful when we drive away. We don't want to run into Richard Parker. (older Japanese)

Don't worry, you won't. He's hiding somewhere you'll never find him.

What I found in this ending, was not only the true ending but an interesting thing to think about, which was found in his comment about God. I love books like that, that give you something more to think about, even after you are done with the book. That is how I felt about the movie Interstellar, as well. There were interesting things to think and ponder about. Thoughts to keep you awake for awhile when you go to bed at night.

Until Next Time :o)

Book # 46

The Last Lecture
By Randy Pausch

So I found a solution to my problem of not having time to read and blog, well at least the reading part. My brother in law was talking about listening to "The Count of Monte Cristo" on CD as he commuted to work every day. I don't have an ipod or MP3 for when I am in the garden but I am actually spending as much time in the kitchen now canning my produce, that I decided to get books on CD and listen to them while I can. It is awesome. This was the first book I listened to.

For those of you who aren't familiar with him...

Randy Pausch

Randolph Frederick "Randy" Pausch was an American professor of computer science and human-computer interaction and design at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Born: October 23, 1960, Baltimore

Died: July 25, 2008, Chesapeake

Spouse: Jai Glasgow

Books: The Last Lecture

Education: Brown University, Carnegie Mellon University

He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2006 and was asked to give a "last lecture" which apparently is a common thing with University professors but they aren't literally last lectures, just basically what they would say if it were, or maybe if they are retiring, etc. This really was his last lecture. He spoke about fulfilling childhood dreams and other random things that he felt were important.

Book # 50

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
by C.S. Lewis

So its been ages since I've read the Narnia series to my boys. My younger ones probably weren't even born yet when I read them last, so it's time. I'm not going to say anything about the first two books, except that they are quite different from the movies. I can see why they changed things; our dear Mr. Lewis lived in a different time, when children hadn't been exposed to every kind of stimulation and violence possible, and thus needed more stimulation in order for it to be interesting. 

Anyway, we are nearly finished with the "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" and it is very different as well, which is fine, but there was one scene which I would have loved to have stayed the same. It was regarding how Eustace, that horrid cousin of the Pevensies, was changed back to a boy after being a dragon. In the movie he remains a dragon until nearly the end of the movie and is changed back to a boy in a fairly un-dramatic way. In the book he is changed back not even halfway through the story. And how he is changed back is so beautiful to me. I keep reading it, and every time I read it, I cry.

It begins while they are still on Dragon Island, the place where Eustace becomes a dragon. Edmund wakes up in the middle of the night because he hears a noise. He looks around, and sees a person moving in the distance. When he goes to investigate he discovers it is Eustace, who is a boy again. Eustace tells him how he was changed back....

"Well last night I was more miserable than ever. And that beastly arm ring was hurting like anything--"

"Is that all right now?"

Eustace laughed, a different laugh from any Edmund had heard him give before, and he slipped that bracelet easily off his arm. "There is is," he said, "and anyone who likes can have it as far as I'm concerned. Well, as I say, I was lying awake and wondering what on earth would become of me. And then-- but, mind you, it may have been all a dream, I don't know"

"Go on," said Edmund, with considerable patience.

"Well anyway, I looked up and saw the very last thing I expected: a huge lion coming slowly toward me. And one queer thing was that there was no moon last night, but there was moonlight where the lion was. So it came nearer and neared. I was terribly afraid of it. You may think that, being a dragon, I could have knocked any lion out easily enough. But it wasn't that kind of fear. I wasn't afraid of it eating me, I was just afraid  of it--if you can understand. Well, it came closer up to me and looked straight into my eyes . And I shut my eyes tight. But that wasn't any good because it told me to follow it."

"You mean it spoke?"

"I don't know. Now that you mention it, I don't think it did. But it told me all the same. And I knew I'd have to do what it told me, so I got up and followed it. And it led me a long way into the mountains. And there was always this moonlight over and round the lion where ever we went. So at last we came to the top of a mountain that I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden--trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well."

"I knew it was a well because you could see the water bubbling up from the bottom of it: but it was a lot bigger than most wells--like a very big, round bath with marble steps going down into  it. The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the lion told me I must undress first. Mind you, I don't know if he said any words out loud or not."

"I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that's what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after an illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe."

"But just as I was going to put my foot into the water I looked down and saw that it was all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as it had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this under skin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe.

Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good."

"Then the lion said--but I don't know if it spoke-- You will have to let me undress you. I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it."

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know-- if you've ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."

"I know exactly what you mean," said Edmund.

"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off-- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt-- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me--I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on-- and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again. You'd  think me simply phoney if I told you  how I felt about my own arms. I know they've no muscle and are pretty mouldy compared with Caspian's but I was so glad to see them."

"After a bit the lion took me out and dressed me---"

"Dressed you. With his paws?"

"Well, I don't exactly remember that bit. But he did somehow or other: in new clothes-- the same I've got on now, as a matter of fact. And then suddenly I was back here. Which makes me think it must have been a dream."

"No it wasn't a dream," said Edmund.

"Why not?"

"Well there are the clothes, for one thing. And you have been--well, un-dragoned, for another." 

"What do you think it was, then?" asked Eustace.

"I think you've seen Aslan," said Edmund.

"Aslan!" said Eustace. "I've heard that name mentioned several times since we joined the Dawn Treader. And I felt--I don't know what---I hated it. But I was hating everything then. And by the way, I'd like to apologize. I'm afraid I've been pretty beastly."

"That's all right," said Edmund. "Between ourselves, you haven't been as bad as I was on my first trip to Narnia. You were only an ass, but I was a traitor."

"Well, don't tell me about it, then," said Eustace. But who is Aslan? Do you know him?"

"Well---he knows me," said Edmund. "He is the great Lion, the son of the Emperor over Sea, who saved me and saved Narnia. We've all seen him. Lucy sees him most often. And it may be to Aslan's country we are sailing to....

Book # 49

Let It Go
By Chris Williams

I didn't really want to read this book, but when I saw it in the library I felt compelled to do so. I knew it would be emotional for me since it is about a man who was in an auto accident in 2007 with his family; his wife, unborn child, 11 year old son and 9 year old daughter were killed. He and his 7 year old son survived. Another son, age 14 was not in the car. The other vehicle involved was driven by a 17 year old drunk driver. 

He told a lot of his history with his wife, how they met and married and their life together. He told about his children. He wrote about the accident and how immediately afterward, as he realized that his family members were dead, how excruciating his pain was. And then as he looked toward the other vehicle he described a different feeling coming over him.

   "...I saw the car that had just hit us resting upside down on its roof uphill from my car; there was suddenly an immense peace and silence that filled the inside of the vehicle, my soul, and my thoughts....My thoughts went quiet, I felt at peace, and then I heard a voice that was not my own in my mind as clearly as if it had come from someone seated next to me....it was straightforward and filled with power, and the voice said, 'Let it go!'....I immediately felt an enabling power beyond my own, healing and enlarging, my crushed and receptive soul. I knew exactly what I had to do and exactly what those three words meant. Regardless of whoever had been driving the other car and regardless of whatever the circumstances behind this tragedy were, this was not my burden to carry. I was told in no uncertain terms not to try to pick it up. I understood that this was not an invitation to let it go, this was a direct command to let it go."

For readers of this blog who do not know me, my husband was killed in a car accident almost 9 years ago. He was on his way to work at 6 am the day after Christmas 2003. The other vehicle was driven by a 20 year old young man from a town up north of us. He had been up all night hanging out with his cousin and girlfriend and then he and his cousin headed to Delta for duck hunting. He was in my husband's lane at the time of impact but he claimed that as they approached each other, my husband went into his lane and so he swerved into my husbands lane and then my husband swerved back into his own lane and they hit head on.

It could have happened that way, but I doubt it. I have traveled that road hundreds of times when tired. It is lonely and mesmerizing. There is nothing to keep your interest. It is quiet and dark. I also know my husband. He was a morning person, easy to bounce out of bed at 5 am, without hitting the snooze button even once. He was also a careful driver, especially when the weather was bad, and the weather was bad that morning. There were a few inches of slushy snow on the road at the time of the accident. So, although I have no way of knowing, I believe that the young man was sleeping and made the story up.

Needless to say, I cried through most of this book and read it in about 4 hours during the night. I couldn't put it down. I must say, although I didn't have such a powerful experience with forgiveness that the author did, I did feel that same peace and feeling of "letting it go". I never met the young driver in the other vehicle, but I did meet his cousin. He made an effort to talk to me in the hospital and he was visibly shaken. Without a second thought, I put my arms around him and asked him if he was okay. I asked him about his cousin, the driver. Some have asked me about that moment, wondering how I could do it. Honestly, it was the most natural thing in the world. There have been times when I have been tempted to be bitter or judgmental, and I have simply remembered the peace that I felt right then in the hospital and have let it go. I know that my life has been better for it.

The other part of the book that impacted me, was the author's account of something that happened to him when he was a teenager. He was driving to work, when two small children ran out from between parked cars and were both hit by his car. He was not at fault, but it was still difficult for him when one of them died, a little 5 year old boy named Jimmy. Shortly after the funeral, he received a letter from the boy's mother. She wrote, "We know you, Chris, were chosen to create the physical change in Jimmy to allow him to leave us as the world understands death. Because of the physical damage, it made it much easier for us to let him go....Take courage Chris, and lean on your testimony, all that you've learned of God is true, now let it comfort you and allow you to work for Him in every other way he has in store for you."

I have often pondered those awful death questions.... "If I had just spoken to him for 30 more seconds that morning, would he still be alive?" Was it his time to die, or is this life just full of random accidents?"  I once read a quote by President Joseph Fielding Smith that comforted me. He said, "And may I say for the consolation of those who mourn...that no righteous man is ever taken before his time. In the case of faithful Saints, they are simply transferred to other fields of labor." I have hope that that is true. I know that my husband was and is a righteous man. And that woman's letter put to words the feeling that I have had for these 9 years since his death. If he had died another way, if there hadn't been such seious physical damage, it would have been much harder to let him go. If he had gotten a serious illness, he would have resisted medical intervention, and had he died without receiving treatment, there would have been a lot of doubt, regret and judgment. Had he received treatment, he would have been very bitter about it and upset about all the medical bills he had to leave behind. As for me, it would have been horrible to watch someone so healthy and alive, to waste away. I guess the only better way for him to go would have been like my dad, and that was to immediately succumb to a heart attack. It was difficult not having that time to say our goodbyes, but considering everything, I think it was better. 

The third thought that I had while reading this book was while he was speaking of meeting with the young man, Cameron, who was responsible for the accident. He was asked by the woman who was working with Cameron at the juvenile detention facility, to come and assist her with something she was trying to accomplish with Cameron: helping him to empathize, and more fully appreciate the impact that the death of (Chris' family) had had on the lives of his family. I have often wondered how the young man in my husband's accident is doing in his life. I have wondered if he would benefit from meeting me or having some kind of closure. He would be almost 30 by now and I wonder if his life has been impacted for good or ill because of the accident. I am tempted to call his mother to ask how he is. She and I spoke a few times during the first few years but I haven't spoken to her in a long time. I don't know if my feelings are truly concern, or just curiosity? 

The last feeling I had about the book was of bewilderment. The author was careful not to give specifics, but by the timeline, I believe he was remarried within a year of the accident. Why is it that men who lose a spouse, are so often ready to remarry so quickly? Is is loneliness? Is it the need for sex? Is it because they have kids that need care? Or is it they themselves who need the care? Do they feel less loyalty? Is the scripture in Abraham 5:14 which says, "It is not good that the man should be alone" somehow genetically encoded into the man's cells? I am not judging. Just curious. 

Anyway, there you have it. My thoughts. 

Until next time :o)

Book # 48

Be Still

Using Gospel Principles to Lower Anxiety

By G. Sheldon Martin

Actually this is a 3-CD set but never a book. The author is a LDS Seminary teacher and a mental health counselor. He recorded talks that he gave on the subject and published them. I listened to them 3 times and finally took notes. I think it is well worth the time.

Ideas....

1. Focus on a positive thought. If someone tells you to not think of a pink elephant, you will think of a pink elephant. It is not enough to tell ourselves not to think of the things that cause us stress or anxiety. We must replace them with positive thoughts.

2. Focus on the future not the past. 

3. Focus on the direction we are going. If we are going in the right direction, then half the battle is won.

4. Do not look past the mark. The mark being Christ. Meaning, do not get so wrapped up in the law, that you forget what is really important.

5. Obedience has nothing to do with righteousness. Obedience is good but you can be very obedient and not be righteous.

6. Being righteous and doing good is more important that the appearance of righteousness and doing good.

7. Make the most of today!

8. Being more ______ (he inserted righteous, but anything could apply) does not mean people will like you more.

9. Choose not to be offended. 

10. Sincerely renew your baptismal covenants each week with the Sacrament.

11. Do your best but allow others their agency. They may still not approve of you.

12. Do not negatively predict the future. We often negatively connect the dots to a possible future event because of something negative occurring in our lives right now. Ask yourself, "What can I do NOW to increase my chances that this will go in a positive direction?"

13. Ask yourself, "Have I gone through something like this before? Was I successful?" We are usually tougher and more experienced that we like to give ourselves credit for.

14. REALIZE... I cannot achieve perfection in this life. I cannot achieve perfection without the Savior! So do yourself a favor and give yourself a break. Do the best you can and then look to the Savior to make up for your weaknesses.

15. Be content with what God has allotted to you. He was speaking about Church callings but this could apply to most everything in your life. Not that we shouldn't strive to be our best self, but should be happy with the talents God has blessed us with.

16. We determine the worth of something by what what someone is willing to pay for it. That means each of us is of GREAT WORTH because Christ paid the biggest price for us all.

17. Seek the guidance of God when you have a big decision. You do not know the future or what decision will turn out the best, but He does. 

18. Sometimes we beat ourselves up over past decisions. Remember you made the best decision you knew how to make at that time.

19. Find the positives in a negative situation. THIS REALLY WORKS!

20. Do not compare yourself to anyone. 

21. Be happy for the success of others.

22. Do not mind read or assume the worst of anyone.

23. Don't forget to eat, sleep, and exercise!

24. Remember prayer and meditation. Take time to BE STILL!

Until Next Time :o)

Book # 47

A Tale of Two Cities
By Charles Dickens

Actually I listened to this book on tape. YES! Cassette tape. I checked it out at the library and listened to the many cassettes while spending hours in the kitchen making pickles and salsa and tomato juice. I got bored of just standing there, immersed in veggies and empty thoughts.

The story was very confusing at first. I kept having to stop and rewind and listen to something that I didn't understand, only to discover that I still didn't understand it. Dickens wove an intricate tale that had to be heard or read from start to finish to understand. I kept thinking, "Will I ever know the story behind this scene?" It was a little aggravating. But it drew me in and had me hooked and especially made me glad that I didn't live in France during that horrible time.

Until Next Time ;o)

Book # 45

The Happiness Project

By Gretchen Rubin

I checked this book out the same time as the last one and I loved this one too. Not only did it have great ideas, but I really clicked with the author. She is just my speed.

She is an author, mother of two small daughters, happily married, resident of New York City, content daughter and d-i-l. She graduated in law, and was clerking for Supreme Court Justice, Sandra Day O'Connor, when she realized that her real passion is writing. Wow! What a waste of money! Going to law school ain't cheap! I hope her books made her enough money to pay off her law school loans.

Anyway, she has a good life and one day she realized that she truly does have a good life and that she didn't appreciate it as much as she should. She wasn't as happy as she should be. She let the little things in life get her down. She thought that someday something big and bad might come along and she wouldn't be prepared for it, and so she decided that developing a habit of happiness would be a good idea. She decided to make it a year long project; her happiness project. And if you know me, I like projects. I like setting goals and resolutions. And I like what she said about the difference between goals and resolutions. "You hit a goal, you keep a resolution. 'Run a marathon' makes a good goal. It's specific, it's easy to measure success, and once you've done it, you've done it. 'Exercise better' is better cast as a resolution. You won't wake up one day and find you've achieved it. It's something that you have to resolve to do every day, forever."

As she began she realized that she had to have some guidlines to help her discover what was most important for her to work on. She came up with her Twelve Commandments. They were:

1.   Be Gretchen

2.   Let it go.

3.   Act the way I want to feel.

4.   Do it now.

5.   Be polite and be fair.

6.   Enjoy the process.

7.   Spend out.

8.   Identify the Problem.

9.   Lighten Up.

10. Do what ought to be done.

11. No calculation.

12. There is only love.

She also came up with what she called her "Secrets to Adulthood". I liked most of these.

~People don't notice your mistakes as much as you think.

~It's okay to ask for help.

~Most decisions don't require expensive research.

~Do good, feel good.

~It's important to be nice to everyone.

~Bring a sweater.

~By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.

~Soap and water remove most stains.

~Turning the computer off and on a few times often fixes a glitch.

~If you can't find something, clean up!

~You can choose what  you do; you can't choose what you like to do.

~Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.

~What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.

~You don't have to be good at everything.

~If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.

~Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.

~Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

~What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.

~People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.

~You can't profoundly change your children's natures by nagging them or signing them up for classes.

~No deposit, no return.

In January, her resolutions were to boost her energy and vitality. 

She decided to achieve this by

~Going to sleep earlier.

~Exercising better.

~Tossing, restoring, organizing.

~Tackling a nagging task.

~Acting more energetic.

These are all things I know, and attempt to work on sporadically.

I keep thinking that I will get to sleep earlier when....my baby gets older, my current teenager is gone, school is back in session, school is out....you get the idea. Its never convenient to go to bed earlier. There is always something else I want to do, on top of the things I feel I have to do. 

As for exercise....oh lets not talk about exercise right now. Although I did take note about how she hired a personal trainer and made her workout time shorter and more effective.

I am funny about the third item. I go through cycles, about a 6 month cycle. I am unorganized and keep stuff for about 6 months and then I get sick of it and dejunk. I am organized for about 6 months and then I get lazy and start collecting again. Maybe some day I can make the disorganized time go away, or at least make it last a shorter amount of time. Funny thing is, I'm pretty good at hiding my clutter. I look so organized that I've had people ask me to help them get organized. I always decline. Partly because who wants to tell someone to get rid of all their junk and also because I know how frustrated I get when I become messy again, I think I would feel doubly frustrated at someone else.

I have my own list of nagging tasks. Some of the items on it, have been there for years. Others stay just a moment. Sometimes I add the task just after I've completed it, so that I can mark it off and feel satisfaction at success, and also to have a record of completing it.

The last item of "acting more energetic" is daunting to me. How can I go ride a bike with my son when I am too tired to go ride a bike. But I have found that when I FORCE myself to do it, I usually find the energy. And usually enjoy it a lot more than I thought I would.

February's resolutions were about her marriage and to remember love. This is one I don't need. I have the perfect marriage! My husband and I NEVER argue. HA HA. (I am a widow in case any of you reading this are strangers) But many of her resolutions can apply to children and other close relationships as well.

~Quit nagging

~Don't expect praise or appreciation

~Fight Right

~No dumping

~Give proofs of love.

When she began to elaborate about the first goal, she told the story of a friend who worked for a very difficult person. When she was being interviewed, the HR person told her that if she took the job, her new boss would be a man very good at his job, but extremely difficult to work for. The woman really wanted the job and so she decided, "there is only love". She refused to think critical thoughts about him, never complained about him behind his back, never listened to others criticize him. When asked if her co-workers thought she was a goody-goody, her answer was that they all wished they could do the same thing because he drove them crazy, yet she honestly could say that she liked her boss.

That is a lesson I wish I would have learned a long time ago. Like back when I was a newlywed. Or even when my husband was still alive. Its never too late to start being a better, more loving and forgiving wife. We had a good marriage but everything can be better and I wish I had been better.

Anyway....I don't feel like talking any more about this topic....sighhhh

Except..... I just came to a page I had dog-eared. She read a lot of marriage books during this month and there was a study she came across that I found very interesting. I am going to quote it so that it comes out right. "Perhaps because men have this low standard for what qualifies as intimacy, both men and women find relationships with women to be more intimate and enjoyable than those with men. Women have more feelings of empathy for other people than men do (though women and men have about the same degree of empathy for animals, whatever that means). In fact, for both men and women--and this finding struck me as highly significant--the most reliable predictor of not being lonely is the amount of contact with women. Time spent with men doesn't make a difference."

AH HA! I already knew that. After Adam died, there was a family that we were close to that took us under their wing. She was, and still is, my best friend. Many of her children matched up with mine in age and so we spent a lot of time with them. We spent nearly every Friday night with their family and she and I saw each other nearly every day and if we didn't, we at least spoke on the phone. About four years later, they moved 2 hours away. It was hard on us all, and for the first time since Adam's death, I really felt lonely. It wasn't until then that I actually considered dating, and then remarrying. I wonder if they had stayed in our town if I would have married again.

March resolutions had to do with aiming higher in her work. She resolved to:

~Launch a blog

~Enjoy the fun of failure

~Ask for help

~Work smart

~Enjoy now.

The two that resonated with me the most of these was Ask for help and Enjoy Now. These are both lessons that I have learned and am re-learning constantly. I have always been a very capable independent woman but losing a spouse and having so much to do, has made it wise to learn to ask for help. I don't do it a lot, but I do it more than I used to. I ask my kids for help more because they were starting to believe that I didn't need or WANT their help. And they were not learning to help when they should. So we are getting it. And losing a spouse is a HUGE lesson in Enjoy Now. When I went to a get together of girl friends for the first time after his death, I told them, "Don't let a day go by that you don't tell him and show him you love him." There were a few husbands grateful that I shared this wisdom. lol...

Her goals for April had to do with parenthood and she titled the chapter "Lighten Up".

~Sing in the morning

~Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings

~Be a treasure house of happy memories

~Take time for projects.

Now this is something that I need...to lighten up I mean. I worry too much and I am way to serious. Just ask my 18 year old. My 8 year old will tell you that I do not like to acknowledge the reality of his feelings. All my sons dread my projects because it usually has to do with what they consider work. And if I sang in the morning, they would roll their eyes and probably ask me not to. My 13 year old, when he turned 2, started putting his hand over my mouth when I would try to sing to him, even though I had sung to him, and to all my babies from birth. Sometimes I sing in the car, but the radio drowns me out. I know I need to find my own ways to lighten up and I am. Happy memories? I hope they will have many.

May's subject was an important one for me. It was focused on leisure and was titled "Be serious about play".

~Find more fun.

~Take time to be silly.

~Go off the path.

~Start a collection

She talks about how she didn't have a good sense of what she found fun. I feel the same way. She said, "just because something was fun for someone else didn't mean it was fun for me, a vice versa." Discovering this was a major break through in my life. This wasn't a recent revelation, but a few years ago I finally got it. I have 7 sisters and one brother and they all have a variety of likes and talents. For a while I felt like I had to like and do the things they did. I have 2 sisters that have run marathons and for years I felt like I had to run a marathon someday. It was with a feeling of relief when I finally realized that I hate running and I would never run a marathon and that was OK!

I have a b-i-l that loves white water river rafting. Every summer he plans a trip for our family down the Snake river in Wyoming. This year I finally made the declaration that I do not enjoy river rafting. (You would have thought I'd said that I didn't believe in God or that I was gay, by their reaction. I am exaggerating but it is sometimes difficult to go against the flow in my family.) I am not afraid, (although I am concerned that an accident would occur and I would leave my children orphans) but I don't like being cold and wet and sitting on the edge of the raft for 2 hours hurts my butt. I would rather go and just relax and enjoy my family, and if I want to do something, hiking is a lot more fun to me. So this year I relaxed and hiked to the lake and it was great.

 A lot of things that I enjoy doing involve hard work. I have determined that I am a workaholic. I enjoy relaxing but when I am in action it is always working. Things that others do for fun don't particularly thrill me. I am satisfied with what I find fun, but being fun for my children is a challenge for me.

I liked what happened when she went off the path and I have had variations of that in my life before. She felt like she was pretty set in her ways and interests and so she decided to expand her mind and possibly her interests. She skimmed newspaper sections that she usually skipped, she looked into the store windows instead of just walking by, she started carrying a camera everywhere to sharpen her eye. And every Monday she bought 3 different magazines, ones that she had never read before, and then looked at them from cover to cover. That seemed like an interesting idea. maybe someday I will do it. My version was; one year, I was a member of Netflix and I watched a documentary for every regular movie I rented. Last year I started 2 blogs. For a period of time I read every magazine that the Jehovah Witnesses brought to my door. For a while I went to a spinning class even though I despise organized exercise.

June's resolution was to make time for friends.

~Remember Birthdays.

~Be Generous.

~Show Up.

~Don't Gossip.

~Make 3 new friends.

I love my friends. Some of my friends are closer than family. Some of my family are my best friends. I didn't have a lot of friends when I was young and so when I got older and made more friends, they became precious to me. But after a few years I noticed something. Friends come into our lives and sometimes friends go out of our lives, and that was hard on me. I thought I had to nurture every relationship that had ever blessed my life. But as time wore on, I discovered this was impossible and unrealistic. So I've had to pick the ones that are most important to me and give them what I could. I have a s-i-l who gave me great advice; "decide what it means to you to be a good _______ (mother, daughter, friend, etc) and then do it. So, some friends get a Christmas card, while others get more of my time and energy and feeling. It is still hard on me at times, but it is what it is.

ARG! OK! I don't know about you but I've had enough. I really enjoyed reading this book but I am not getting through this post very fast. I have checked the book out from the library 3 times. SO, as much as I hate to leave anything undone, I am done. If it has aroused your interest, you can read it yourself, or go to her blog, www.happiness-project.com.

Until next time :o)