One on the Seasaw
The Ups and Downs of a Single-Parent Family
By Carol Lynn Pearson
It is obvious by the subtitle why I chose this book. I wanted to see how it is for another woman raising her children on her own. Or if I was crazy all by myself.....
.....NOPE!
Carol Lynn Pearson was well known in the 80's as an LDS poet, play-write and author. She wrote "Goodbye, I Love You", which was the story of her marriage and divorce to her gay husband, and of her care for him as he suffered and died from AIDS.
This book is stories of her children and of her life raising them on her own. My favorite chapter was the one titled "On the Seesaw". She compares being a single parent to "riding the seesaw all by yourself, taking some real hard bumps and running around a lot to hold down someone else's end as well as your own. But it's also sliding down the slippery slide by yourself, going as fast or as slow or as often as you want....Every time I start feeling terribly sorry for myself, something happens to remind me that there are worse things than being a single parent. Sometimes one of them is being a married parent." She then describes what the up side of being a single parent is to her. Much of it reflects how I feel.
This is what the up side is for me, Elise...Raising my sons the way I want to. Having more peace in my home without the old bull to butt heads with the young bulls. Having the closet and the dresser drawers to myself. Sleeping in the middle of a king size bed, with all the pillows. Spending the money and my free time the way I want to. Keeping house and making the meals the way I want to. I don't have to answer to another adult in my household.
Carol describes the downside very eloquently--"A single parent knows that the next shift is never coming in...the yard, the laundry, the empty refrigerator, they're all up to you...no matter how tired you get or how much you'd rather be on a beach reading, you have to keep going, going on empty, and trying not to let the kids see just how empty...Couples can feed each other energy, fill each other up. A single parent dips down into the solitary well until it is dry, dry, dry..." She then describes those who have helped fill her up. She told about the men in her ward who painted her house. When they finished she said, "Twenty men on one Saturday is not as good as one man on twenty Saturdays, or fifty-two Saturdays or years of Saturdays. But it is next best, a wonderful next best."
So the downside to me, Elise, oddly enough is some of the same things that are the upside. I like raising my sons the way I want to but I don't always KNOW how to do it. I don't like being the solitary "bad guy". When you are a couple, you make a decision and ideally, stand together, support each other. When you are alone, you stand alone and that can be intimidating against 5 sons who don't like your decision. I like sleeping alone because I am a light sleeper, but sleeping alone means ALWAYS sleeping alone and the deprivation that goes along with it. I hate being responsible for everything. And I hate it when I have to let something go, simply for my sanity's sake. I hate driving home from up north and the kids are all asleep and there is no one to talk to. I hate not having someone around who loves my kids as much as I do. I hate going to the temple alone. I hate not having someone around to tell me when I'm out of control. I hate having to wait until a movie comes on DVD because I don't want to go to the theater alone. But the worst is NOT having another adult around to answer to. Someone to make a better meal for -- the kids really don't care. Someone to clean the house up nice for -- the kid really don't care. Someone to keep in shape for -- the kids really don't care. Someone to put on makeup for -- the kids really don't care. You get the idea...
Despite all that, I'm not really complaining. I have it easy, compared to some single parents. I don't have to work out of the home at this point. I have helpful, obedient children. I have a nice home. I live in a great town with great people. I have loving, supportive friends and family. We are all healthy. We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and that brings me a lot of peace. What more could I ask for?
This is what the up side is for me, Elise...Raising my sons the way I want to. Having more peace in my home without the old bull to butt heads with the young bulls. Having the closet and the dresser drawers to myself. Sleeping in the middle of a king size bed, with all the pillows. Spending the money and my free time the way I want to. Keeping house and making the meals the way I want to. I don't have to answer to another adult in my household.
Carol describes the downside very eloquently--"A single parent knows that the next shift is never coming in...the yard, the laundry, the empty refrigerator, they're all up to you...no matter how tired you get or how much you'd rather be on a beach reading, you have to keep going, going on empty, and trying not to let the kids see just how empty...Couples can feed each other energy, fill each other up. A single parent dips down into the solitary well until it is dry, dry, dry..." She then describes those who have helped fill her up. She told about the men in her ward who painted her house. When they finished she said, "Twenty men on one Saturday is not as good as one man on twenty Saturdays, or fifty-two Saturdays or years of Saturdays. But it is next best, a wonderful next best."
So the downside to me, Elise, oddly enough is some of the same things that are the upside. I like raising my sons the way I want to but I don't always KNOW how to do it. I don't like being the solitary "bad guy". When you are a couple, you make a decision and ideally, stand together, support each other. When you are alone, you stand alone and that can be intimidating against 5 sons who don't like your decision. I like sleeping alone because I am a light sleeper, but sleeping alone means ALWAYS sleeping alone and the deprivation that goes along with it. I hate being responsible for everything. And I hate it when I have to let something go, simply for my sanity's sake. I hate driving home from up north and the kids are all asleep and there is no one to talk to. I hate not having someone around who loves my kids as much as I do. I hate going to the temple alone. I hate not having someone around to tell me when I'm out of control. I hate having to wait until a movie comes on DVD because I don't want to go to the theater alone. But the worst is NOT having another adult around to answer to. Someone to make a better meal for -- the kids really don't care. Someone to clean the house up nice for -- the kid really don't care. Someone to keep in shape for -- the kids really don't care. Someone to put on makeup for -- the kids really don't care. You get the idea...
Despite all that, I'm not really complaining. I have it easy, compared to some single parents. I don't have to work out of the home at this point. I have helpful, obedient children. I have a nice home. I live in a great town with great people. I have loving, supportive friends and family. We are all healthy. We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and that brings me a lot of peace. What more could I ask for?
Until Next Time :o)
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