Book # 44

When Life Gets Hard

By Meg Johnson

I saw this at the library when I was having a bad PMS day. So I checked it out and began to read. I feel silly admitting this, but I bawled my eyes out during most of the book. Nothing like reading about a quadriplegic to quash your own pity party. It was a good book and I'm glad I read it.

The author, Meg Johnson, was in her early 20's when she took her first trip to St. George, UT. She was fascinated with the scenery, so different from the rest of Utah. She and her friend went hiking and and when he went one way to watch some rock climbers, she went  another way to play leap frog from boulder to boulder. What she didn't realize was that her perception was distorted with all that red; red rocks, red dirt, red cliffs. She misjudged a distance and fell off a 35 foot cliff. She broke both femurs, both wrists, her left collar bone, and four vertebrae in her neck. She is now permanently paralyzed from the chest down.

She quoted Elder Neal A. Maxwell, who said, "God is a loving father who wants us to have the happiness that results not from mere innocence but from proven righteousness. Therefore, he will, at times, not deflect the harsh learning experiences that may come to each of us--even though he will help us in coping with them."

She then said, "The rocky times in life happen despite our great efforts to avoid them. As long as we keep walking down our path, we will be challenged--physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It is difficult to continue on a straight course along our path, partly because the rough patches seem unbearable and partly because off the trail seems so much more enticing. Off the trail seems easier. Better. Nicer. Smoother. But as smooth as off the trail seems and as tempted as we are to relieve ourselves of the difficulties of our paths, we can't go near it. We must remain on our path because looming dangerously close to the edge of our path is not soft sand to rest our feet but rather gaps between the rocks. And if we fall into these gaps, something worse than physical damage will occur....Spiritual paralysis happens to us when we take side steps off the gospel path. These side steps can be sins committed or righteousness omitted in our everyday lives. And when we veer off the path, we come closer to the surrounding gaps in the rock, where Satan and his cronies lie in wait. They will reach up and grab us, and they won't hesitate to tell us we're not good enough, we're not smart enough, we're not nice enough, we're not talented enough, we're not enough--and they will pull on us until we fall and become spiritually paralyzed."

She then spoke about how we must close up the gaps around us. "To keep our spiritual abilities, we must close the gaps around us and trap Satan and his followers in the ravines...Closing the gaps is difficult; it takes daily focus and hard work. To close the gaps, think of G-A-P-S-- Gratitude, Attitude, Prayer and Service. Each of these will squish the gaps together,  tighter and tighter, and we can focus on the path, no matter how difficult it may be."

She then dedicated a chapter to each of those actions. She said that "being grateful for the things we have is different from having things to be grateful for. No matter what we have or don't have in this life, we can be grateful. Gratitude doesn't mean we have things; it means only that we're grateful for what we have. There is always something to be grateful for. She described a bleak night in the hospital. She woke up; scared, confused, alone. "and each cry was a side step off my path and into the gap. Being physically paralyzed wasn't good enough for Satan; he wanted me spiritually paralyzed as well. If he could convince me to give in to hopelessness, he could achieve dual paralysis. And there is no life-support for the spiritually paralyzed. We either walk with God or we don't." (I really like that last sentence) She then thanked God for everything in the room that she could see and although it was sort of silly, in the end she was smiling and feeling grateful and loving. She quoted a quadriplegic, S. Seegmiller, who said, "Attitude makes all the difference, but gratitude brings me joy."

The next chapter was on attitude; having an eternal attitude. She said that her motto is "When life gets too hard to stand, just keep on rollin'!" While this is an expression that is significant for her, being in a wheelchair, it is also appropriate for all of us. There have been times in the last 8 years since Adam died, that people have praised me for what I have done on my own. I always think, "well, what else was I supposed to do?" I get up every morning and I just keep on breathing. I have some bad days, but it always gets better. I just keep on rollin'! She told how her brother, when told that his sister would never walk again, went home and prayed over and over, "Heavenly Father, please don't make Meg do this. Give it to me." Finally the spirit came to him and asked, "What gives you the right to take away her challenges?"  President Howard W. Hunter said, "life, every life, has a full share of ups and downs. Indeed we see many joys and sorrows in the world, many changed plans and new directions, many blessings that do not always look or feel like blessings. She went on to say that "these challenges and trials are gifts from our Heavenly Father to help us become more like him. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, Frequently it is not easy to face up to that which is expected of us. Many think they cannot do it. We need a little more faith. We should know that the Lord will not give us commandments beyond our powers to observe. He will not ask us to do things for which we lack the capacity. Our problem lies in our fears."

Her chapter on prayer was the one that really impacted me. I love my Savior and I realize that he atoned for my sins and he sacrificed his life so that I may live again.  What I struggle with is what he can do for me RIGHT NOW.  Partly because I am a stubborn fool, and often, like a little 2-year old I say, "I can do it myself!"  But also because I forget that he is right there, waiting for me to ask for help. She gave some really good examples of prayer. She shared situations which she found herself in, where she prayed and found relief and help. The first one was about a dream she had. She loved to dance before her accident and after her accident she used to dream about dancing, which was fine. But one night she dreamed that the people dancing wouldn't let her dance with them. This was so upsetting that the next day she found herself emotionally over-wrought. She couldn't get over it. She wrote, "I remembered hearing that the Savior's Atonement could relieve us of our burdens as well as take away our sins. Emotionally and physically I couldn't handle this extreme trial; it was crippling me. Calling on the Savior aloud, I begged him to take it away. Through my sobs, I thanked Him for letting me feel that pain so deeply. (what an interesting concept!) I asked Him to always let me remember the severity of it. I told Him I had faith in His Atonement, and I didn't know if this was the type of pain He could take, but if it was, I asked him to please take it. In the very moment I asked, my pain was gone..."

Another experience she shared was about trying to get herself, in her wheelchair, up a difficult ramp one cold early morning. There was no one around to help and so after a few tries, she prayed. Opening her eyes, she expected to see someone appear to come to her aid. No one did. She said, "I was a little sad. I thought for sure God would send someone. But though my arms were weak, my faith was strong. After all the Lord will only bless us with what we need and not with something we can do for ourselves. Perhaps I really could get up the ramp myself....I pushed with everything I had. I made it farther than I had ever come before, and when I teetered between the steep and the level, when I had nothing else to give, someone came up behind me, grabbed my wheelchair handles, and gave a push, just enough to make it over the corner and onto the level ramp." When she looked back, no one was there.

For her last example, she shared an experience which was very upsetting to her and how late that night she prayed to be comforted. No comfort came. She related, "I cried harder and prayed harder. 'Please calm my troubled heart! I need peace. Please give me peace. Isn't that what You do? I am so upset. Why aren't You hearing me? I know you can do this. Why are you withholding Your blessings from me?...In the midst of a deep sob, it dawned on me that Heavenly Father was trying to answer my prayer, but I was not allowing Him to....I was too angry and distressed to let Him bless me with the peace I needed." She realized that like a little child, she was too tired and too upset to listen. So she apologized and asked that He just put her to sleep. Which He did.

Her last topic is service. She said, "We might ask, how can service help me in my journey? We might wonder how serving could help lighten our load when it would inevitably be heavier if we carried someone else's burdens....We all thirst for something in this life, whether we've been single much longer than all of our friends and we're thirsting for a meaningful relationship. Or we're thirsting for our son or daughter to come back to the gospel. We are all thirsting for something....we can never quench our thirst by thinking about how thirsty we are....so we forge ahead, thirsting for something and having faith that Jesus Christ will quench our thirst with His living water. Until then, we're stuck being thirsty and we have to ignore it the best we can. But how can we forget our own thirst?... think about something else!... Refocusing our attention on something else is not only effective, but it also heals us and makes us happy."

I can personally attest to this principle. A few years after Adam died, I was raising 5 sons,  running a business, taking care of my home, and I had 5 church callings. Why did I have FIVE church callings??? Because I was stupid enough to accept them. I'm kidding actually. Having that much to do in my life is what got me out of bed every morning. All that responsibility was what kept me from wallowing in the despair that threatened to engulf my life. Being involved with so many people, when I literally wanted to become a hermit, kept me from sinking into depression. I admit there were days that I was depressed. There were days when I cursed the bishop and everyone else that was driving me crazy. It wasn't until a few years later that I realized the full impact of what had happened. I was asked to speak in Stake Conference and the subject was taken from the church hymn "Lord, I would follow Thee." It was, Finding Strength Beyond My Own. I read through the whole hymn and for the first time I saw the connection between that phrase and what precedes it---"Pause to help and lift another, finding strength beyond my own." President Hinckley said, "Work will cure your grief. Serve others." I know having 5 church callings may not be the answer for everyone, but it was for me.

To end, she talks about what happens when we relax our efforts to close the gaps. She talks about how when we let ourselves become spiritually paralyzed we cannot hear the promptings of the spirit. She talks about courage, using Daniel and Joshua from the Old Testament as examples. She said, "Courage is not the absence of fear. Rather it is the willingness and determination to do what needs doing anyway, despite how we feel.

It is a short book. Only 64 pages. I highly recommend it!

Until Next Time :o)