Book # 9

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
By David Sedaris

Until a few years ago, I had never heard of David Sedaris. This is the short version of how I came into ownership of one of his books. I was on vacation in Portland, visiting my niece. We stopped in a famous used book store, where I introduced her to "Twilight", and she told me about David Sedaris. All she said was that he was"hilarious". So I bought one of his books, brought it home, looked at it for a while and then put it on my shelf, where it has sat for almost three years now. The other day, I decided I needed something fun to read and remembered her hesitant enthusiasm about him. I still didn't know anything about the author until I picked up the book and read it in the last two days. Now I know a lot. More than I really want to. But he is funny at times. Understand, I like to laugh but I have this habit of taking life pretty seriously. Yesterday while I was reading, I hardly laughed at all. Today, I laughed a lot. Hmmmm...Maybe I just needed to remember how.

But for those of you who have no idea who the author is, I've included a short summary of what was written about him in Wikipedia....

David Sedaris (born December 26, 1956) is a Grammy Award-nominated American humorist, writer, comedian, bestselling author, and radio contributor. Sedaris was first publicly recognized in 1992 when National Public Radio broadcast his essay "SantaLand Diaries". He published his first collection of essays and short stories, Barrel Fever, in 1994. His next five subsequent essay collections, Naked (1997), Holidays on Ice (1997), Me Talk Pretty One Day (2000), Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim (2004), and When You Are Engulfed in Flames (2008), have become New York Times Best Sellers. In 2010, he released another collection of stories Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary. As of 2008, his books have collectively sold seven million copies. Much of Sedaris's humor is autobiographical and self-deprecating, and often concerns his family life, his middle class upbringing in the suburbs of Raleigh, North Carolina, Greek heritage, various jobs, education, drug use, homosexuality, and his life in France with his boyfriend, Hugh Hamrick.

The book consists of twenty-two essays, written about himself and his family. I don't have any desire to give you an outline of them, certainly humor shouldn't be summarized like a informational book. But I wanted to share my favorite part and then I'm going to move on to another idea. 

In his essay, Repeat After Me, he tells about his older sister Lisa, who loves animals with a fanatical passion. She has a blue fronted Amazon parrot who repeats everything she says, even the positive affirmations that she teaches it to say to her when she is having her down times. One day Lisa and David were out together on a drive and Lisa began telling him about something tragic that happened to her. She had hit an animal while out driving her car and the animal was mortally wounded and suffering. So she stuffed the animal into a pillowcase and held it to the tailpipe of her car in an attempt to end its life quicker and more peacefully. He writes, "She reached the inevitable conclusion and just as I started to laugh, she put her head against the steering wheel and fell apart....Instinctively I reached for the notebook I keep in my pocket and she grabbed my hand to stop me. "If you ever" she said, "ever repeat that story, I will never talk to you again"....He asked her, "What if I use the story but say that it happened to a friend?" Later he relates how he went to the parrot in the middle of the night. "Through everything that's gone before this moment, we understand that the man has something important to say. From his own mouth the words are meaningless, and so he pulls up a chair. The clock reads three am, then four, then five, as he sits before the brilliant bird, repeating slowly and clearly the words "Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me."

Not a particularly funny story but I liked it. I wonder, did you have the same thought as me? Does his sister still speak to him?

So, my challenge for myself this week is this. I grew up with seven sisters and one brother, gave birth to five sons, and married two husbands. Surely there are some funny tales in there to tell. I want to see if I can tell a story from my history that mimics Mr. Sedaris' style. This could be challenging, no, will be challenging, partly because my memory fails me, especially in the humor department, and partly because I am not particularly funny. But the point of this whole blog is to challenge myself. So here I go....

Laugh till you Cry
My family loves to laugh. I'm not particularly funny myself, although I have been known to get into that mood and funny stuff comes from somewhere hidden deep inside. But I do appreciate those who can make me laugh, and my family is number one on my funny list. My family, consisting of Dad, who has now passed on, but loved to tell the jokes that he'd read in the Reader's Digest. Mom, who has a subtle, sarcastic humor but is better at being the butt of our jokes and teasing. Eight of us strong willed girls; some with a wit sharper than a tack, and one brother, who belongs on the melodrama stage. There are a passel of brothers-in-law, most of whom seem to prefer to stay backstage, probably for their own safety. And a wild assortment of twenty-six nieces and nephews, a few of them married to stand up comedians. When we all get together, it is usually bedlam. And when we are in a funny mood, it's hilarity at its best. One person will get us started and hours later we are still going at it. 
 
This last Christmas at our adult family party, somebody brought up the subject of budgie smugglers. If you don't know what a budgie smuggler is, then Google it. That's what my sister did at the party and then, giggling like an adolescent, informed us all....
 
       “Budgie smuggler: Australian slang term for men's tight-fitting Speedo-style swimwear. 
        The 'lump in the front' apparently resembles a budgie when it is stuffed down the front 
        of someone's shorts. Ah, those crazy Aussies!” 
 
Somewhere during the evening the term evolved into budgie “snuggler”, much to the embarrassment of the young newlyweds in the room. The night's festivities were further enlivened with our white elephant gift exchange. The gifts ranged from the hideous pink and lime green toile tablecloth that was surprisingly stolen by my sophisticated brother-in-law. The Rudolph's red nose and antlers costume for your car, which started an argument between my niece and her husband; she wanting to use them on their trip to California to visit his family, and he not thrilled with the idea. The tacky pink and purple candy dish, I being the lucky recipient, and the snow-cone maker, which was opened by one of my nieces. She was enthusiastic about the gift.

       This is so cool! It reminds me of the snow-cone maker I had when I was a little girl!”

Her mother began to laugh, and suddenly she realized that it was the snow-cone maker she had when she was a little girl.

Every year, for the last fifteen years, my mom and the sisters have gotten together for what we call "mom's day away". We escape for a long weekend, usually around Mother's Day. We are running away from our jobs, husbands, homes and children. It is truly bliss. Unless of course, there is one of us that still has a baby semi-attached, then we are unable to pretend that we are 17 and free. We shop, watch movies, get massages or pedicures, and we talk half the night. My favorite part is the laughing. I have some really funny sisters. Add that to the late nights and it is a volatile combination for me. Once I am tired, I am not fully responsible for my behavior. Make me laugh and I will laugh uncontrollably until I cry, with tears streaming down my face. It is an odd sensation and I'm not exactly sure why it occurs, but sometimes it is embarrassing.

The first time I met my ex-husband, he came to visit me for three days. We had spoken on the phone for two months and I wasn't sure if we were a good match because he was always so serious. But when we met in person, I was delighted to find that he had a good sense of humor and seemed to enjoy using it for the purpose of making me laugh. We were both thrilled with our new relationship and we stayed up late every night. But by the third night I'd had it. I am not a night owl, and I need my eight hours to function properly. On that third night I was getting pretty loopy. We were upstairs, sitting on the couch and he was telling me about a medical condition that he had, and the natural treatment he wanted to get, in order to fix it. I was barely conscious, let alone listening. He was droning on and I heard him explaining about the solution that they would inject in order to stimulate tissue growth. Suddenly my brain focused on his words.

       “In laboratory tests, they have grown bird wings in petrie dishes.”

He denies ever having said such a thing, yet I heard it. And suddenly a vision of a flying petri dish flitted through my mind and I began to giggle. The giggle intensified when I saw the look of puzzlement on his face. Soon I was laughing uncontrollably, and then just as quickly I began to cry. Then because I realized how absolutely nuts I must seem, I began to laugh again. It was outrageous! The cycle repeated itself about 5 times before I had myself under control and was able to gasp out that I was okay, I was just very tired. He didn't really believe me and thought that he had gotten himself involved with a mental case and made a quick retreat to the motel where he was staying. The next day, I was surprised to see him again at my door and I'm sure that he was relieved to find that I was once again my calm and composed self.

Unfortunately the laughter did not continue much further into the relationship and I found that I cried more often than I laughed. Which was a good sign that I should never have married him. But I am stubborn and needed to learn the hard way.  In our last desperate days, he would often say, 

        "That was funny stuff, why aren't you laughing?.....I am such a funny guy!"

Now that he is gone, I wake up every morning and the first thing I do is smile.

Until next time ;o)